The Tale of the Grounding Sounding Board
It’s my opinion that every artist in the world needs a grounding sounding board. I’m the luckiest woman in the world to have mine be my husband, Tanner.
It is also my opinion that artists can get easily discouraged and pretty committed to punishing themselves. I woke up feeling pretty blue. When Tanner asked what was wrong, I shared how disappointed I was in myself because I wasn’t devoting much time to developing my new YouTube channel. He replied, “But…you just finished your website yesterday. That contributes to your channel. And you wrote a bunch of lyrics for your parodies yesterday. That contributes to your channel. AND you researched professional voice tutors on YouTube yesterday. That contrib…” “Okay FINE!” I replied, “I guess I just thought I’d be finished by now with a video or two.” Tanner said, “Yeah, but babe, the goal you set for recording, mixing, filming, and editing a video a week is pretty ambitious - especially since you work a full-time job during the day AND a part-time job performing in the evenings. Add a husband, two cats and a hedgehog into the mix, and who has the time??” I nodded quietly. He went on, “You have always set a ridiculously high standard for yourself, which makes it super easy for you to be disappointed in yourself, even when you’re being productive.” I nodded again and replied, “I just feel like no matter what I do, I’m running around in circles and never getting anywhere.”
Tanner then asked the golden question: “Who are you comparing yourself to? The you from your past? The future you?” I thought about it for a moment and responded, “Well, I can’t be comparing myself to the past me, because it seems like things tend to progressively improve from where I was with every passing year…” Tanner leapt up and exclaimed, “A-HA!!!” I laughed with a ‘wha?’ slapped on my face. “You JUST admitted things get better with every passing year! I want you to repeat what you just said, out loud, right now.” “…I can’t be comparing myself to the past me, because it seems like things tend to progressively improve from where I was…” “YES,” Tanner replied, “Now, repeat it again, now and every day until the day you die.”
Who knows where in the world I got these crazy expectations for myself, or such a refined sense of guilt for not living up to them. But what I do know is they are rarely centered in reality. I have to keep it real when it comes to goals. And always remember that things HAVE progressed with each and every passing year. I’m not going in circles, I’m moving forward - I just couldn’t see it because I’ve been moving in these curly-cues.
But Tanner, my grounding sounding board, the one who keeps me sane and in touch with a kinder reality than ones I often paint for myself, could see everything. Trust the ones who can see everything and love you stronger than you love yourself. Then aim to love who you are as much as they do, and be as kind to yourself and patient with yourself as they are to you, and with you. Then…like Kipling said, “You’ll be a man, my son!”