The Tale of the Mighty Famine of '23

(Also known as “What the Hale? - part 2, the remix)

The nature of a career in show business is very much feast or famine. And you gotta store up enough self-belief and confidence in your abilities to make it through the harsh winters. Because after a long string of ‘no’s,’ you WILL start to wonder if the universe called to tell you that you suck.

The mighty famine of 2023 started in hopes of a mighty feast, as most fascinating tales of irony often do. December 2022 - I auditioned for the lead role in “Hello Dolly” with the hope that I would at least get cast in the chorus. Aim high, land somewhere nearby. I sent in the best rendition of “Before the Parade Passes By” that I could belt out with my little heart. I also sent in a dance audition, which was a wrestle with my self-esteem. I can dance, but haven’t done so professionally in years and the audition was technically challenging. But, I swallowed my doubt and sent in my tape nonetheless. And to my surprise, I got called back for a character with an actual name! It was for Mrs. Rose - never heard of her. She wasn’t in the Barbra Streisand/Gene Kelly film. So, I looked up both the Bernadette Peters and Bette Midler bootlegs of “Hello Dolly” on YouTube and discovered Mrs. Rose was a glorified ensemble role with a few lines here and there. I could do that!

As I prepared for the role, I was SHOCKED to receive an email from the company asking if I would instead show up at the Dolly Levi callback time and learn the Dolly Levi callback dance! I was blown away - they were considering me for Dolly Levi!! I used the few days of preparation I had to completely memorize all of the sides and music cuts. I also had the dance down PAT. I was overjoyed and ready to show them what I could do - just thrilled that I finally had the chance to do so!

When I arrived, there were about seven other Dollys called back. Not too shabby! They called us in for the dance callback first. The stage manager read off the names of the ladies called back for Dolly and told them to stand in a line. She read off every name… except mine. Confused, I went up to her and asked where I should stand. She told me my name wasn’t on the list! She looked at the director and he said, “Oh, it’s fine. She’s just here for Mrs. Rose.” I was STUNNED. They weren’t considering me for Dolly at all. But why ask me to show up at the Dolly callback and learn the Dolly dance? And I had spent so much time and energy memorizing all of the Dolly sides and getting them perfect! I was SO defeated… but I thought to myself, “I still have a chance to change their minds. So, that’s exactly what I’ll do.”

I did the Dolly dance PERFECTLY. They also had each of us walk down this iron apparatus of a staircase to make sure it was safe and to see how we look as Dolly descending the Harmonia Gardens stairs. Each took their turn and I went last. Without looking down once or holding onto the hand rails, I did the most flawless Dolly descension down the stairs. All of my fellow actors were very impressed and told me so. :) Then, I sat in the waiting room and waited for my turn. I still didn’t understand why I was there and not being considered for Dolly, so I quietly took the casting manager aside and asked her what was going on, also letting her know I prepared for Dolly and asking if I could read for the role. Instead of addressing me quietly in kind, she let out a big announcement to the entire room: “If you’re called back for a role, you can ONLY read for the role you were called back for,” while shooting me a darting look, “NO exceptions!”

I sank into my chair in defeat. I wanted to cry. I was SO embarrassed and heartbroken; hopes completely shattered. All I asked was a simple question - did she have to handle the situation like that? To add insult to injury, I had to sit and listen to every other Dolly Levi audition (AND Horace audition) before my turn came. I was so angry - I wanted to walk in there and give them a piece of my mind, but I knew that would do nothing but burn bridges and give me no satisfaction nor reparations. I felt like Lilo in “Lilo and Stitch” - “I just wanna dance… I practiced.”

After a long wait of about an hour and a half, my turn finally came. Having listened to the other Dollys audition, I ascertained only two of the seven gave a solid performance and I could do just as well as any of them. I walked in with the BEST attitude in the world - congeniality oozing out my ears. After some brief banter with the director and producer, the director smiled and said, “Go ahead when you’re ready.” I explained I couldn’t because the role of Mrs. Rose didn’t have any sides posted on the website. However, I knew all of the Dolly material backward and forward and would be happy to show them the Dolly sides. The director hurriedly shuffled through the script to the Mrs. Rose scene and had me read that with the music director. I gave the most strong, comedic and character-nuanced Mrs. Rose I could. When I was done, the director looked at me and said, “Wow! That was a heck of a cold read!” He then asked me to do it again without as much characterization. So, I did it again, completely natural, as if playing a 50 year old version of myself. After that reading, the producer smiled and said, “Wow, you are a very versatile actress! Very well done!” I thanked them and was about to leave when the music director asked the other members of the panel if he could test my range vocally. He asked me to sing “Before the Parade Passes By” and I joyfully accepted. I sang it with all my heart and soul - the BEST I had ever performed it. The panel of directors and producers even CLAPPED when I was done! That doesn’t happen in an audition. I thanked the panel and left, feeling on top of the world. I had overcome huge feelings of bitterness, disappointment and anger to deliver a strong, happy audition. I traveled home feeling like Charlie Bucket having just won his golden ticket.

The hardest part was the two week wait for casting decisions to be made. I ran over my audition constantly in my mind and thought about the possibilities - no one else was called back for Mrs. Rose at that time slot, so I MUST get that role at least, but they still must be considering me for Dolly, or maybe even a Dolly understudy! Finally, the moment came - the email arrived!

It was a form letter thanking me for my audition and inviting me to audition again sometime soon.

A rejection. I got NOTHING.

In the weeks to come, with some internet snooping and Facebook stalking, I saw just how limited my chances were. They ended up casting a woman who had played the role with the company a decade before. That wasn’t a surprise, she was an extremely talented performer. But a friend of mine who was called back for Dolly and whom I considered to give one of the best Dolly auditions of the night ended up with the role of Mrs. Rose and became an understudy for Dolly Levi. So, there it was. I felt sad, of course, but very proud of myself for having overcome many obstacles to give one of the best auditions ever in my life.

I figured it all worked out for the best - because I didn’t get Dolly, I could audition for another paid gig - “Into the Woods.” I played the part of the Witch before and sent in a very strong audition tape singing “Stay With Me.” I was really excited to get called back and hopefully cast in this production. My audition video got a lot of views and I waited with hope for the callback email. Finally, the moment came - the email arrived!

It was another form letter thanking me for my audition and inviting me to audition again sometime soon.

I didn’t even get a callback - not for anything.

I figured, hey, maybe it’s another sign that something else is out there for me. I applied to two other theater companies who had always hired me in the past and I knew were a lock, so I could at least get a paying performing gig before I take my sabbatical to get preggers and raise a family.

Neither theater company cast me for their productions.

4 rejections in a row - 1 from the best in town, 1 from the next best in town and 2 from great companies who never told me no before… What the Hale??

I felt lower than low - in the BASEMENT of the lowest level of Hell. Yet I knew I gave it my best - so I had to hold onto those feelings of being proud of myself. It wasn’t in the cards to get a show before trying to get pregnant through IVF, and it turns out it was for the best after all.

After going through my egg retrieval, I got really sick with OHSS. Really sick - can’t get out of bed for a week sick. So, if I had been cast in any of those productions, that would have been a huge problem and may have resulted from me getting removed from a show. Everything happens for a reason. And I’m glad I at least have a channel (no pun intended) to satisfy my need to perform. Feast or famine, I love to perform with all my heart. And right now, I sure do miss it.